Make Room For Mistakes - Your Own and Others'

I am my harshest critic. I am super critical of most things I do, even if I don’t present myself that way. Most of the bosses I’ve had over the years have given my annual reviews that use essentially the same script of, “You’re doing great! Keep doing what you’re doing!” There’s part of me that wants some constructive, helpful feedback. But then, I also know that I’ve already noted my areas that need improvement. Extensively.I remember once making a mistake for something at work – something that is still in place to this day because it cannot be changed – and afterwards I just cried and cried. (I was, very fortunately, at home when this occurred.) When I shared the mistake, people were like, “Eh, no big deal.”

This thing that had been so huge in my head wasn’t actually that big.

This is something I am trying to remember more often. I don’t need to be so critical of myself. I can be kinder to myself.

It’s easier said than done, but I’m working on it.

Recently something happened at work that wasn’t huge, but it was a stupid mistake that I made and it was noticed. My gut instinct is the same one I had when I was young – deny the problem, deflect the anger, hide. But I claimed the mistake, fixed the error and left it at that. It’s a vulnerable place to be – that moment right after admitting a mistake. But the response? “Everyone makes mistakes. No problem.”

I was sort of proud of myself. I resisted my natural tendency to duck and cover and just addressed the error. And everything was okay.

On a recent episode of Professor Blastoff, Tig Notaro was talking about seeing issues as black and white and how she confronted mistakes.

“I like to go through life saying, ‘We’re all doing our best, guys.’ I like to make room for people making mistakes because I know I’m going to be making mistakes and I’d like for them to please keep that in mind about me. And so I try to be easy on people.”

Yes. That.

I know life isn’t always that easy. There are people who as critical of others as I am on myself. People who won’t cut you a break. But those aren’t the people you want to be around. Those are the people you deal with and try to move away from.

The key is to not be one of those people. To others or yourself.