After getting a recommendation for a complete hysterectomy (uterus, ovaries, cervix … along with a softball-sized tumor), I went into information gathering mode. That presented a few challenges. First, I had to tell people what was going on. And get to a point where I could do that without crying. Second, I had to get information that would help me make the decision that was best for me.My first step was emailing out close friends in small, but increasingly large batches explaining what was happening. I’d say the first 20 responses I got resulted in me sobbing. No one said anything mean. It was all sweet, supportive and nice. But I respond so poorly to sympathy. And was feeling so sorry for myself that sympathy almost was like ammunition to go further in the dumps.

But after a while, it got easier. I received an email from a friend complimenting me on leaning on others. She had been through some hard times and pushed herself out of her comfort zone to rely on the help of others. I’m not sure she realized it, but it was that example I used when contacting people. I admired how she created a support network.

My next step was to get health information. Here’s the thing about researching health. Everyone has opinions. Very few of those people have opinions based in any fact. Articles online? So many are terrible. They are written from very clear points of view that aren’t neutral. And I decided, quickly, that I was only accepting input from experts, which included people with a related medical background or people who had themselves had a hysterectomy while under the age of 40 so their experience might be like mine.

There were more of that latter group than I expected. I approached them with a series of the most intimate questions, sometimes with things implied rather than explicitly stated, and everyone answered everything. It was like being welcomed into this really supportive community I wish I had no connection to.

Through family, I found the name of another OB-GYN to meet with for a second opinion. A friend connected me with a gynecological oncologist / surgeon who was willing to talk to me on her personal cell on her personal time. I talked to someone in genetics who looked at my crazy family history of cancer and told me it wasn’t all that crazy.

You can get all of the information you want. At the end of the day, the task presented was this: “Learn what you can. Think about your options and decide what’s best for you. Then go on vacation and forget all about it! When you come back, we’ll decide what to do and schedule things.”

Forget all about it? I could think of nothing else.

This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.